You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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