Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
