I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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