You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
