I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
