Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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