he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
