just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need moral support for this bender
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
