How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
