Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
