I just pynch a tree in the face
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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