"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
