I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize