The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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