I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
