you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're too hungover to prance.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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