Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
