I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
