is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
