I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize