I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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