and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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