I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
