Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All the doctor said was why
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
