Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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