you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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