So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this will be a night to untag.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
