Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
