The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
