We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
