In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
