I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
