I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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