I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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