Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
