thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you had me at cake vodka
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
