I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
