I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
