that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize