the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
