I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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