I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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