2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
