The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
