How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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