The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
