Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
