I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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