I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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