it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
