You work out of a Hotel?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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