fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
