it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
