he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
