Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
