Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
