areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
