I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
