We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
