Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
