I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
