:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
