All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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