can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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