Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
