Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
