can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found the puke drawer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
