I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
