if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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