does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize