alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
