I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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