I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
