It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
