You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well I just put wine in my tea
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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