After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
