Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
