Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize