Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
