i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
