you guys were way drunker than both of me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
